from Creature by Ben Stark



I will not eat them, Sam-I-Am.
I will not eat green eggs and a bearded clam
I will not eat Apocalypse sex
I will not eat a Briannasaurus rex

A slight case of rabies
Makin’ babies.
Getting sexed up by the Ferengi
Cumming on your enemies

Not seeing your reflection
Locking doors with your erection

It’s a Chronic Active Hepatitis
It’s a Campaign Against Homophobia
NO! It’s Cards Against Humanity
Cards Against Humanity

Laughing at Keanu
Knowing how to Kung Fu
Mothballs in the beef strew
Lots and lots of gasoline
Carrots and vaseline

I am jacks smirking pink slime
I am jacks cherry cream pie
I am jacks robots getting high
I am jacks smirking george mcfly

Whale barf
Yellow discharge
Hitting school kids with your car
Being a shitty card czar

A syringe full of butter
Cutting fingers with a paper cutter

It’s a Congenital Adrenal Hyperlapsia
It’s a Command Auditory Hallucination
NO! It’s Crabs Adjust Humidity
Crabs Adjust Humidity

Slamming your dick in a drawer
Poking at a cold sore
Hiding slaves in a trap door
Miley Cyborg
Fucking wash them
Monkey Island TM

A toddler with a razor blade
Making meth with a kitchen aid
Real girl scout lemonade
That’s how babies are made

Not reading the quran
Belonging in the garbage can
Getting tickled by a creepy homeless man
30 dead guys and one woman

Worshipping Satan
A windshield in front of an asian

It’s Cards Against Ben
It’s Cards Against the Yen
NO! It’s Cards Against Canada
It's Cards Against Canada

It's Computer Aided Handling
It's Cyanide and Happiness
NO! It's Cards Against Humanity
Cards Against Humanity


from Creature, released March 10, 2015
Music and lyrics by Ben Stark. No actual Cards Against Humanity or Crabs Adjust Humidity cards were used in the lyrics. Any similarities are purely coincidental.




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